A good read with Long Leggety Beasties and other things that fill my postacademic free time

It seems the frequency of my blog posts has been in decline since I started my new-ish postac job back in August/September. This isn't unusual for lots of postac bloggers. For many, once they've got to a positive point in their lives after leaving academia perhaps they find there is less to ponder or worry about. I'm not quite sure I'm totally at that point yet. I'm working part-time and I love the fact that I have time to catch up with myself a bit. But I'm also finding that this catching up means I have less time and sometimes less enthusiasm to get going in front of the computer to read other blogs and then write on my own blog. Some of this is a good sign. And then sometimes I feel a little sense of loss there.

One of the things I'm trying to fit into my evenings is a bit of good fiction reading. I have come across a wonderful local Southwest UK author and blogger, Alienora Taylor, who has published her first ebook: Long Leggety Beasties. The story focuses on the secondary school English teacher Geraldine's (Gerri) first person narration of her experiences in her first teaching job in a small village in Cornwall. I've had my own (shortish) stint of state secondary school teaching when I lived in London and thought I'd find some common ground here. While the story feels different from mine there are many connections that I've found lots of pleasure in recognising. I'm still only just over half-way through the novel but my experience so far has been full of giggles and page-turning excitement about where this Gerri may take me next.

One of the things I'm enjoying is Taylor's absolute love of playful language, which her believable English teacher narrator captures so well. At no point does the witty writing style ever seem out of place from what the reader would expect from Gerri's voice. Without trying to give away too much, my other main pleasure are the moments of Gerri's wonderful confessions of alcoholic weakness where the cupboard that holds the gin and tonic is just too irresistible. Consider this long passage, Gerri's tale after she's had an English teacher's lesson from hell from her beloved fifth year bottom set class:

Soon after this, my flat fell through - both literally and metaphorically. It was a top floor flat and I'd long been fascinated by the promise of an attic apparently lurking above my bed. There was a trapdoor. Under normal circumstances, I would have left well alone. In recent days, however, I had become rather too familiar with the soothing qualities of alcohol. 

So there I was, sloshing back the gin and crunching cashew nuts - an absolute MUST with any self-respecting G and T - when a sudden devilish thought tickled my mind. Explore the attic. It seemed so obvious at the time. My inner rebel was calling to me stridently. Naturally enough, I had no ladder, so had to improvise: the chest of drawers and a chair seemed to do the trick. 

Up I went, pushed open the trap door, hoisted myself into the attic, tripped and fell through the bedroom ceiling. If I'd had any sense, I would have phone my landlady, claimed a tragic accident and the day could have possibly been saved.

But no: I was at that stage of drunkenness where bizarre ideas positively stream over one. Thus, the next logical step was for me to mend the hole - she'd never notice - with Sellotape. 

I sat on the bed and surveyed the damage. The hole was bigger than it seemed at impact; it seemed to stretch for acres. I picked up the pieces and, with neck-cracking obstinacy, rammed them back into place, using yards of tape in the process. 

The only positive thing I could say about the finished result was that you could no longer see straight into the attic.

Gerri's love of G and T lead to another scene in which she gets completely off of her head, strips off to then don a 50 pence charity shop bargain of a black lacey dress and heads over to the nearby field where a group of builders/all brothers, are living in a caravan. Curious about catching sight of the one on which she's developed a distant crush, she stumbles around peering in the windows only to be spotted by another.

The rest you will have to read yourself! And this joy of a first novel is now available as a free download, so what can you lose?

Have a look here for the free download and enjoy! Long Leggety Beasties, by Alienora Taylor.

And one more thing...

I've mentioned in some previous posts my involvement with a new postacademic website How to Leave Academia and upcoming postac ebook project that involves fellow bloggers Lauren, Currer and JC. 

We are all going to be working on developing our own contributions for the ebook, so I'll be putting some time and energy into my text. For the time being if you haven't done so already then have a good look at how the website is coming along and feel free to add your own two cents or become a guest author!

Why US students choose the UK for postgrad study

I've had the pleasure of discovering a great blog resource recently called The Professor Is In. It's created by Dr. Karen Kelsky, a post-academic from the US who decided to leave academia even when she has a successful career with tenure. I love finding blogs like this because they provide an honest narrative of why people initially aspired to the academic life, and what they learned about its realities after investing so much of themselves in it. The thing that also makes Dr. Kelsky's blog a great resource is the author's willingness to offer realistic career advice for post-acs as well as solid advice young academics just starting out. She's aiming to train postgrads in career preparation in a way that she never experienced when she finished her PhD. She is clear at the start that she is not in the business of creating illusions that there is a fruitful and abundant academic job market out there for new post-PhDs, but she does claim that she can offer strong advice about how to be competitive in these conditions if you are convinced you want to give it your best shot. On the other end, she offers some great thoughts about what it means to quit academia and doesn't stop at warning those potential grad students to rethink their move before getting themselves into major debt when signing up after they are encouraged by their undergraduate mentors.

After reading one of her great 'Guest' postings Don't go to graduate school shared by a tenured friend of hers, I spent some time thinking about why bright spark US graduates might be so keen on packing their bags and flying over here to the UK to take postgraduate MA, MSc courses and PhDs. The post is really an exchange between Karen and her friend, who tells the story about one of her talented undergrad students in English who has finished his/her degree and is passionate about becoming an academic. The student has applied to an MA grad programme in a prestigious university in the northeast and has not secured any funding, but is so stuck on pursuing this dream that they are willing to pay the 45,000 dollar a year tuition fee and go into massive debt to prove their commitment. The student letter/email to the professor is a kind of expression of intent with the hope that the professor will praise him/her, encourage their academic interests and open their arms as a welcome into the life of academia. The prof's response, however, is something unexpected. We don't know what the student's final decision was after that, but at least he/she can't say they weren't warned.

The wonderful twist to this scenario is that this prof tells it like it is and advises the student not to take the MA course, especially if it's unfunded, but even if funded, warns the student that this is not the way to go either, especially with worsening academic employment prospects that are not showing any sign of improvement. She stresses to this bright young star that he/she has a lot going for them and there are so many other avenues he/she can choose to exploit their talents while not breaking the bank. Yay for her for playing it straight, and yay for the student if they take seriously the advice.

I am reminded then about the perverse business of these elite US higher institutions that can charge whatever they like to allow their perspective students the 'privilege' of studying there. In the UK students have been up in arms and protesting in the streets when Higher Education institutions here went public with their intentions to raise yearly undergrad fees from 3,000 pounds a year to between 6,000-9,000 annually (home students costs) for their three-year undergrad degrees. For graduate MA or MSc courses, home students will be expecting to pay around 6,000 a year full-time or 13,000-14,000 pounds if international. These estimates are based on my scan of an equivalent 'elite' UK university (they are called 'Russell Group' universities here because they are the older institutions). Other non-Russell Group universities will often charge on the lower end of that spectrum but some go higher. At this point in British history these public institutions cannot simply charge whatever they want, and we don't have the large culture of private university options like in the US. They've been forced to raise fees because of less government funding and they've taken advantage of aiming for the higher fee demand, but that's the threshold at the moment. They're not allowed to go higher.

So for those talented US undergrads hoping for a future in academia they can see the benefits of studying here in the UK. Laying out 13,500 pounds for an MA converts, at current rates, to 21,567.60 dollars (to be exact), a massive savings of over 20,000 (using the northeast ivy league example above) if they are convinced they should go in this direction. For many of us post-acs who have been there, however, and who have suffered the debts of undergrad education in the US (myself included - I moved to the UK after finishing my US undergrad degree), and then accrued more postgrad debts, we wouldn't want to repeat the experience. Enough is enough, I say.

In my current alt-ac work, I encounter many international postgrads, a good percentage of them from the US, taking wonderfully intellectually fulfilling postgrad degrees. I am happy for them if they've been able to put a middle finger up to the US and have found a way to get off a bit cheaper for a quality postgrad education. But I want to also have long and extended conversations with them about how higher education institutions in the US and here now, who are rubbing their hands together in excitement at the prospect of taking in the postgrad student, and even better if they are a nice international money-maker. I want to remind them that years ago when my UK friends were undergrads the government paid their full education costs and even gave them extra stipends for living expenses. Of course, in those days higher education in the UK was even more elitist with a very small percentage of mainly privileged middle-class young people attending. With increasing widening participation there has been a large increase in those achieving degrees here. This is a great thing for sure, but any increasing fees will not help a lot of prospective students achieve their educational potential if they are faced with years of debt. Getting out in the streets across the UK to protest hasn't solved the problem but it it has increased student awareness and given students a strong voice and presence here that was potentially waning  before fee increases.

So while the UK might offer some attraction for prospective US postgrads (and undergrads too, especially as they will be on a degree programme here for only three, and not four years), I want to signal to these prospects that there must be another way to reward your intellectual curiosity. Unfortunately, with unemployment so high at this time of world recession, there is no easy solution, and many are choosing postgrad courses as a way of buying more time before they have to compete in the job market. And with the extra MA/MSc they will see themselves as being one step ahead of others, I guess. But they are also a few steps behind financially and will have the added pressure of seeking employment in highly paid private, commercial sectors in the hope that they can pay their student loans quicker. Many will find they are working 13 hour days in a career they are unhappy with and are simply looking forward to that one big annual holiday where they can bask in the sun and recharge until they are back in the rat race again. My advice to these postgrad want-to-bes is to take a long, hard time to think about this. It's hard when you're young in your twenties to imagine where you may be when you are forty when you might have regrets about your choices. Think hard about the core of things that help make you happy. And if confused about whether you should sacrifice financial stability for the love of your academic subject, read many of the well-considered post-ac stories in the post-ac blogging community.

That final word, of course, leads me to plug again, the collective post-ac website that I am jointly editing with Currer, J.C. and Lauren, called How To Leave Academia. This is the newest post-ac resource that can guide you in the right direction if you are pondering what to do about academia. As time goes on, readers here might see that I'm posting less - that's because I'm busy with the demands of work and family, and there are times when I really need to go offline! But I will also have to choose to allocate some well-spent time over there. Some of posts here may be repeated there too - why not. Have a look and think about contributing somewhere to share your experiences.

Where have we been and where are we now?

Well, it's now the middle of January and many of us are trying hard to keep up the momentum around our new year's resolutions. Often at this time of year we are also looking back at the past twelve months and asking ourselves we have achieved and how do we want to move forward. So, with the title of David Bowie's new single in mind, 'Where are we now?', I would like to look briefly at where I was last January and where I am now. If you're a follower of this blog you can expect that I'll probably take this as an opportunity to expand and look further back into the past, but I'll try hard not to wander. My aim is to keep this post brief-ish!

Last January I was employed in a short-term academic research project as a Research Assistant. It was a funny time for me. The post was advertised the summer before at the same time when I was still considering how I might be able to leave academia. I was coming to the end of another academic year Lecturing contract  and was prepared to have another summer of unemployment. I guess I was pretty much buying time last summer with the teaching year. When I wasn't teaching I was working on some research ideas, developing a paper from a conference to help build up my CV, and thinking about using my other time to experiment with other forms of writing. I enjoyed the experimental writing exercise but felt resentful with the research paper - I was doing all of this on unpaid time and my 'passion' for the subject was waining. Where would it take me, I asked myself. Was all of this effort worth it? I was hoping that the extra time over the summer could liberate me a bit from some of the stuck and indecisive feelings I was having. Basically, I was keeping my eyes out for employment prospects in the university but in other non-academic, administrative or project areas. Every week and month that went by (from April time) reconfirmed that those prospects were low. As I hadn't come up with any other solutions I resigned myself to just carry on with the expectation that I would take the plunge and turn down contract teaching offers for the next academic year. I would be unemployed then but at least I wouldn't be tied down to the contract and could have more flexibility in my job hunting, and I guess, my soul searching.

So this research project appeared through my institution at just the right time. I was still half in the state of mind that I might have some kind of future in academia so I committed myself to doing the research for this field of study (it was outside of my comfort zone but still within Arts and Humanities). I interviewed well and got the job. It was interesting enough and I got my head down to do some good work, but it didn't excite me enough to want to invest myself in academia again. It was an interesting testing ground for me. When I took the job I thought, this might be my turn-around moment; it can lead to all sorts of wonderful prospects. There was an opportunity to bid for more funding with my manager and the team to extend the project's prospects, but I decided at that stage of the discussion to pull back. That was when I continued to look seriously for more non-academic career possibilities. It was also around that time that I discovered all of these other post-academics on the net blogging and sharing their experiences.

So a few more months passed and more applications were sent out in alt-academics areas. For that moment at least, I decided to pursue non-teaching/research possibilities in UK Higher Education and accepted the fact that I might have to take up short-term contracts to get started. My current job was advertised in June. I spent a lot of time working on the personal statement and later preparation for a demanding, full-day interview process. And then I was offered the job. I breathed a long sigh of relief that my efforts had finally paid off and someone out there recognised some of my potential. For those of you who are are experiencing the frustration of the post-academic transition and are exhausted from the process, take comfort that there is hope and a good outcome will surface. It just might end up taking longer than you imagine when you start out.

This time of January, new year reflection though always leads me to an emotional place where I contemplate where I have been with my chronic health condition, Relapsing Remitting Multiple Sclerosis, and where I am now, which is in a very good place, although I have to make sure I am good to myself so that I won't suffer another relapse. I have mentioned in my last two posts that I have joined up with three other post-academic bloggers, Currer, J.C. and Lauren to begin a new Post-academic resource website called How To Leave Academia. This is where I have recently written about how my health suffered when I was in the middle of my PhD studies and had to take a long leave of absence from my research project. It was that time when I had my MS diagnosis. It was an incredibly difficult but rewarding time as it also forced me to think hard about how I wanted to proceed with my career aspirations while also managing a serious health condition when I had two young school-aged children and a husband who was often away on work-related trips. I won't revisit that story now but you can visit our How To Leave Academia site here and find it. You can also find other accounts from Lauren, Currer and J.C. about how they managed their intense emotions, anxiety and depression when transitioning out of academia. The common threads across all of our stories illustrate that stresses around academia when studying or when leaving can take a serious toll on the body and can lead to depression. The authors' different means of coping are all worth a read. We are always looking for contributors to the site to share their resources and stories around leaving academia so take a look, comment and feel free to get in touch.

New Year, New beginnings and a New Postacademic Web Resource

Well, the holidays over here for this post-academic in the UK were in my view just a perfect recipe to initiate a process of Doctor Who-like regeneration before the start of the new year (apologies for US readers not familiar with this classic and popular British TV reference!). After a very busy beginning in my new-ish Alt-ac job in September, by December 21st I was ready for the solid two week break that coincided with the university closure. And with everyone there slowing down by December 17th and getting into party spirits I felt like I couldn't have found a better place to work. The official break came and my family and I stayed based here with the plan of meeting friends over party drinks, dinner parties, brunches, country walks and attending a local, low-key New Year's Eve party. I found plenty of time to eat and be merry and balanced that with loads of extra sleep, some healthy cooking as well as adding some exercise. Aside from the addition of my husband's bad cold toward the end of the mix, (that he's now passed on to me I think) I can safely state that this holiday hit the top near the perfection scale.

Back to work on January 7th this week has been a nice, slow introduction back into the real world. Making an earnest attempt to get into things in full flow on Tuesday I found myself to be the first one in at 8.30 am sharp and got a start on attacking my 'To Do' list. I've been at this place a few months now and still find I am gob-smacked when reminded of how much my co-workers are committed to achieving the work/life balance. Most appear to leave the office to get the most out of their lunch hour and many take advantage of flexi-time. On Tuesday at around 4.45 I found myself deep into reading an article that I needed to review for some research I am planning (Yes, I am now getting a chance to use to my research skills and am in the process of getting ideas together for the proposal). This colleague came in sometime after me in the morning and noticed I was the one who opened up. So there I was just working about fifteen minutes over my scheduled, full working day and he said something like, 'Shouldn't you be getting out of here by now? Haven't you done enough for one day?' Well, I admit I was actually speechless and didn't know how to respond. But I did think afterwards, hey, he's right. My contract of employment is pretty clear about what is expected. There may be times when I'll have to get involved in an evening event (and I can then take time off in lieu) but I'm part-time which means certain things/projects will take me a longer time to get through. It's nice to be reminded that enough is enough. I've done my bit for the time being and it's time to get out and think about something else. A very happy start to the new year if I can keep myself in this realistic frame of mind. I advise all others working hard to keep up with the pace of the rat race to do the same. You'll find major benefits to your health and well-being for sure!


The new Postacademic Website 'How to Leave Academia' is now live!
While my brain's been moving at a snail's pace after this festive season, my post-academic peers thousands of miles away in the US came up with this amazing idea to get started on developing a website full of stories and resources for those who want to leave academia. When they asked if any others wanted to join I was keen to get in on the action, expecting that such projects can take some time to develop. Well, I was certainly proved wrong! In no time at all, these amazingly energetic and productive postacs have designed the site and got significant content up before I could say Happy New Year. I've finally managed to add something the other day on my day off, but all the praise for efforts goes to Lauren, Currer and JC and another webdesign contributor for the overall planning, design and content management of this project. As I see this collective work coming together in such a top quality professional manner in such a short space of time, I can see that US academia has really missed out an opportunity to exploit such talents. Their loss for sure.

I've mentioned the call for papers and contributions in my last post and will add the link here for those who want to have a look at How To Leave Academia. It's ongoing with lots of potential to add news ideas so if you're a postacademic who's had some experience of leaving that you'd like to share, we'd like to hear form you. If you're thinking about leaving and don't know where to start or are in emotional turmoil about the prospect then this is a place where you will see that you are not alone. Hope to see some of you over there soon!

Post-academic Call for Papers and more

It's been a busy several months for many in the post-academic blogging community. We've either been right in the middle of academic labour frenzy keeping up with the demands of teaching, research and the imperative to publish, while wondering simultaneously if this is in fact the career path we are happy with and want to keep on pursuing - or we've been rewriting our resume/cv, waiting for invitations to interview, or settling into our new post-ac work lives. That dilemma, 'Should I continue or not' is what has led many to conduct Google searches using phrases like, 'Is there life after academia?', 'Is academia where I really want to be?', 'Academic redundancy', 'Transitioning from academic to non-academic life', 'Career choices outside of academia', and so on. When I discovered the many prolific post-academic bloggers out there writing about experiences and anxieties that were so close to my own story, I discovered a new-found comfort and support system that encouraged me to keep on with my career search out of academia and into something that was much more manageable.

And now the time has come to move forward. A few other post-academic bloggers such as Currer from Project Reinvention, Lauren from Mama Nervosa, JC From Grad School to Happiness

, and I have made the decision to pull our collective efforts together (thanks Currer and Lauren for the prompt) and create a website and ebook full of resources, advice and personal stories about the experience of leaving the Ivory Tower. We know this project will be much more successful and richer if it includes a breadth of contributions from others who have made the transition or are in the middle of working through the plethora of conflicting feelings they have about leaving academia.

Our website will include:

Practical Peer-to-peer advice for leaving academia on every topic from emotional issues to having to get food stamps to building up your resume/cv.

Our ebook of essays will include:

A wide range of personal stories of leaving academia.

We invite all those who have thought about leaving for one reason or another or more. We welcome a fully international scope of contributors. While we can see there are lots of post-ac bloggers from the US, we've spotted a few from Canada, the UK, Australia and beyond. We would love you to join us over here and get a sense of the common ground we share or can learn from each other across national boundaries. Feel free to start a topic. See below for details about the ebook. The website will be less structured. We intend it to be a 'One Stop Shop' for links and posts on all of the questions we ask ourselves when contemplating how to quit. Get in touch if you have an idea. Once we receive content (and have help setting up the site) it will go live.

What a way to begin thinking about starting 2013. Keep reading and find out more about how you can get involved.

Moving On: Personal Stories of Leaving Academia (tentatively titled)

Have you left academia? Or are you currently in the process of leaving? Share your story!

As post-academic bloggers, we know firsthand that there is a desire for stories that explore more than just the career aspects of leaving the ivory tower. People want to know how, when, and why you quit; emotional issues related to quitting; and examples of post-academic success. We envision this book as a source of advice and support for readers who have quit graduate school before getting their Ph.D., people leaving academia even after they have finished their degrees, and people who are adjuncting or working in academia who are looking to leave. Many stories of the post-academic transition have been told on personal blogs and websites, including our blogs and web site www.howtoleaveacademia.com (forthcoming), but this is the first collection has been organized to speak directly to people’s experiences leaving academia.

We’re looking for thoughtful, personal pieces (non-fiction or creative non-fiction) that tell a story or develop a theme related to the process of quitting academia. Like any good paper, the essay should have a core thesis or concept that you’re exploring through your writing. We prefer submissions that are relatively jargon-free and more casual in writing style. Your essay can be any length, with a general goal of 5-10 pages double spaced (but we’ll consider shorter or longer!).

If you have poetry, art, or other (digitized) creative work that explores these themes, we’d be interested in that, too.

This collection will focus primarily on what happened after you quit; thus, we are not interested in treatises about the failures of grad school or the problems in higher education. You’re welcome to explore the reasons and circumstances under which you left, but please continue the narrative forward from there. You can be as anonymous as you like, although please include enough detail that the reader can be drawn into your story. We invite you to explore the messiness, difficulty, and contradictions in the quitting process. Not every story has a happy ending, and that’s OK. We encourage submissions on any of these topics, as well as proposals for essays that explore any gaps between them:

• How, when, and why you left academia: hopes/expectations versus realities in grad school, specific incidents/anecdotes, the job market, what you wish you’d known.
• Emotional dimensions of leaving -- loss or changes of identity, “deprogramming” from academic thought, relationship difficulties and transformations, isolation, mental/physical health issues, joys and new discoveries, family issues, etc.
• Career Transitions: Teaching stories, writing stories, stories of how you discovered a new vocation/path.
• Alt-Ac Careers, Adjuncting -- Life on campus when you’re not a prof or student, changes in relationships with “the academy.”
• Success Stories: how quitting changed your life for the better, how happy you are, how glad you are to be gone.
• Failure stories: screwing up, falling down, awful jobs, bad experiences, floundering, despair.

If you want to share a simpler or more straightforward story of your post-academic journey, please consider submitting to the website (email Lauren or Currer at the addresses below and specify that your submission is for the website).  


Timeline:
250 word abstracts due: Feb 1st
Goal of getting back to accepted folks mid-February
Final essays due: April 1st
Goal of publication by graduation in May 2013! :)

Email submissions with “E-Book Submission” in the subject line to Lauren at lauren.nervosa@gmail.com or Currer at projectreinvention12@gmail.com  by Feb 1 2013.

Alt-ac Update

The other day when I was reading around some of the other post-academic blogs I was reminded of my less-frequent posting. Unsurprisingly, this has happened more since I've started my alt-ac job in September. Aside from having pretty busy hours there three days a week, I'm finding that my two days off have been filled with multiple, boring domestic tasks, car issues that need addressing, and a variety of doctor, hospital, dentist or orthodontist appointments. Some of them are my own regular visits and others are related to my children, so no, I don't have adult braces, but my daughter has them.

When I started this part-time job I imagined I'd have all this freedom to get more exercise, then lounge, catch up on sleep with mid-day naps (after all the exercise), read lots of fun novels, have lunch with long-lost friends, and spend loads of time writing for the blog. Well, I've been managing a bit of some of those things here and there, but lately in the main, the hours have disappeared with necessary duties like the list above (recently I've more fun trying to organise persistent plumbing problems/leaks, boiler breakdown). Some of the time I am spending while waiting for the plumber, I hate to admit, has been spent catching up with work emails that I felt were too important to wait til I was next in. This kind of thing was something I promised myself I would not do. I told myself if I took on work stuff at home then I would take it off my time at the office the next day or so, however, I'm finding the usual pressing list of stuff to do now or yesterday never ends. If I'm not careful, this can spiral and I'll just begin resenting the work and hating myself for doing this. I am the only one to blame here. Although there are some tight time frames in which I'm attempting to do things, I know some things can wait and will just take longer as I'm part-time.

So, I'm now trying not to spend too much time in front of the computer screen as it seems to lead me into too much temptation to check emails and follow up a thing or two. Like JC recently posted, it's probably a good idea to go offline sometimes. 

Aside from my own problematic tendency towards a negative self-surveillance that can lead me to over-working, the new-ish job is all okay, overall. Some of what I'm trying to manage at the moment, is taking up lots of time with fiddly bits of admin-type work that I hadn't quite banked on, but which I can see is necessary for me and not someone else to do, as I don't have my own personal secretary. As I work for a non-profit organisation, there is always a tight budget and less resources available to help support some of the ambitions of the organisation. This is a frustrating aspect of the job and it means that many people there are probably trying to do too much in the space of the working week. Many of them appear to do the sensible thing and take time in lieu when they are working over time in the week. There is a knock-on effect though, I noticed, when you need to have that person to do something important for you and they're off for a day or two because they are finally catching up. It's not a perfect situation, considering I'd like to achieve some of the things I've set out to do when I was hired. The reality is that these targets will need to be planned as long-term ones, maybe with a few small successes along the course of this academic year.

I thought it would be worth noting that I've come across a few other alt-ac professionals in the university with whom I'm trying to liaise about a few things. I'm finding it reassuring that these women are also confessing to feeling that when they left the traditional teaching/research path, they felt they were selling out or would be perceived as failures. But they've also found that their alt-ac jobs in the university have given them opportunities to use their PhD/academic skills in other really useful ways. And they seem pretty happy to me, at least at the level of the chats I've been having. I'm getting there. I still feel a bit awkward when I share my PhD background/identity to some of my contacts. But as time is going by, is getting easier and feels less awkward. In fact, I seem to be hearing little pockets of stories of this PhD who left academia and is now doing this or that. Ahhh, there is hope!

The holiday season is all impending now and the organisation is planning festive drinks and parties. The university closure time, we've been told, will be a whole two weeks. This means paid holiday time for all. I'm looking forward to this a lot, even though we haven't got big travel plans.We may drive to London for a night or two to visit my in-laws. This stay is always a bit short because my husband's parents are elderly and not set up for lots of visitors in the small flat they have. Hotels aren't cheap there, but we may think of an over night in a nearby one to make things a bit easier. The fact is that I actually really enjoy hanging around in the nice city where we live. It's a popular university city which becomes much calmer when all the undergrads go home for the holidays. It's got great theatre, cinema, restaurants, shops, all which we can walk to. The centre is about a 35 minute walk - a great way to burn off all of the holiday excess that we'll be subjecting ourselves to. There's no city like London, but we lived there many years and had loads of great times there before having children. I don't really miss it or get any great buzz on visits back. What I'm looking forward to this holiday season is a nice rest, knowing that my time off includes pay, and looking forward to returning to a secure job (at least for now).

Cutting to the chase now....Sunday night, UK telly means the US series Homeland is about to start. Offline fun begins now! Will try to return again before another lengthy gap. 

The six week job review, coming out about the chronic health condition and other things...

Well, I was reminded the other day that this week at work was apparently the sixth week I have been in my new job. I think officially they are about a week early on that, but perhaps this Monday was the only day that my line-manager could squeeze in a one-one meeting with me.

The meeting involved chatting about how I felt things were going, how he felt things were going, and finally having a glance at a sheet of paper that had blocks of areas to fill in that covered plans, targets and actions, that sort of thing. This was where the conversation was less fixed, as he has been so incredibly busy over the last five weeks, he has been pretty much unavailable to work with me on establishing plans and how to work through them. There is a larger vision in place at the moment, but with all of the smaller tasks I have had to get through on a three day a week part-time schedule, I haven't exactly had lots of time blocked out for creative planning of sorts. The one thing I've been trying to emphasise with him is that because I am part-time, it will just take me longer to get through the list and that's all there is to it. This can be frustrating for someone like me who is accustomed to charging on forward and working too much in an effort to get things done quickly. For the most part, the biggest challenge, I think for this part-time job, is how I manage my own self-surveillance. It would be so easy to work over my contracted hours on a regular basis. In fact, as this job does involve participating in some of the social activities that are organised for students outside of the working day, I have already experienced busy times when I have still not taken up the 'time in lieu' option where I take off hours in the following week. I seem to be writing myself little reminders frequently - don't forget to schedule time in lieu this week, but there never seems to be a chance to take it because more and more 'stuff' gets piled on to my working week.

Overall, I reported that things are going well. I tried in the most diplomatic way to mention that there have been times when I felt that it would have been nice to know how some of the systems worked before it was too late or close to urgent crisis-mode, as there have been a few cases where I felt thrown in the deep end without warning. This diplomatic offering was actually prompted by my line manager himself when he made apologies for not being available for important communications and instructions about these things. So, the will is there for sure. But being the newbie in an office setting where quick and efficient turnaround for important events/tasks is crucial can feel a bit daunting when you're unsure about the details. I'm trying hard now to spot some of the potential crises before they happen. A challenge for sure.

This review meeting was also the time that I decided to bring up my Relapsing Remitting Multiple Sclerosis. As some readers may remember, when I was applying for the job back in July, I wrote about my anxiety around disclosing my MS on the application in the section where the employer asks about health conditions and disabilities - all carefully worded, sounding something like this: 'According the disability act, do you consider yourself disabled...' My scan across some of the MS Society website in the employment section also found that they advised you must answer the question honestly when it is presented this way. So in my honesty, I disclosed my condition and added that it is very well managed and that it has been years since I had a clinically defined 'episode'. No point in adding extra details like the experience of fatigue, numbness/tingling, spasms, etc. In fact, most of the time all is fine, overall, especially if I manage to get enough sleep and time to recover from busy days. So part-time hours help a lot.

So I introduced the topic and wasn't surprised when my line manager responded positively and asked if there was anything they could do in the office to address any needs I may have. He reminded me about the potential to work at home when needed - as it is an open office it is busy and sometimes noisy, so this option will be useful when needed. So far so good.

This was his opportunity to say how he felt about my work and he was very positive. The last month has been completely full on, with me having to finalise pieces for an important postgrad student social event that happened at the start of term at a venue in the city. It was important that I was the face and voice of this large event, as my new role is focused on engaging with postgrad and enhancing the postgrad experience. So, after fumbling around sorting out people and details around this event, it all seemed to go well and a huge amount of students turned up and looked like they had a great time. All staff were totally positive and saying well done, well done, oh you're so amazing, you're a great public speaker and so on. This praise carried on into the following week, after the Friday event - it felt nice to be recognised this way, I must say, and at the same time, it felt very odd too. I had never had such open outward praise as a contract lecturer or researcher. I may have experienced a pat on the back here and there but this response was different. I guess that might be related to the timing of the praise and the buzz of the social event. We had a drink at the pub after and the buzz just extended there. The following Monday was kind of a recap time and the praise continued. I have since noticed that people in the office goo out of their way to praise and recognise eachother. Of course, this seems like it would help management in terms of people skills and getting the most out of people. But peer co-workers are also in this habit so the feeling is generated throughout the various departments. So, all of this seems a good thing, yes. There is a tiny sceptical side of me, perhaps the academic side, that thinks it's all too over the top and unreal. Surely, my performance can't be that amazing! Was just doing what I was told to do, earning the crust. When I shared this with my husband he said, well, you are very good, maybe exceptional, and they've noticed that in a way that the academic world doesn't because it's overly critical of everything, nothing's ever good enough. While there may be some truth to this, I guess I'm thinking that with time, there will probably be less outwardly praise as I just get on with the everydayness of the job. That's fine too, but I'll admit, the outwardly, over-the-top praise is kind of nice. There's one more thing though that has just come to mind; perhaps I am just better at doing a job like this than an academic teaching/research job. Hmm, yes this is important to realise and also important to remind myself that if this is the case, that's actually okay.

The everydayness of this job overall is fine, as far as my current career expectations go (yes, this is the first moment in this post where I have used the term 'career'). It will surely have it's lower, less exciting, less intellectually challenging moments, like the hours that get taken up with email correspondences and meetings (as is also the case in the world of academia). I can also see the spaces that feel very challenging for me, where I need to get my head around and take on something completely new;  there is some real anxiety there and a questioning of my ability to do it well. There's a lot of that feeling lurking in the background. And this is where that side of me wants to say, hey, you'd better hold back on your praise because there's no guarantee that I'm going to do a great job this time! It's this sceptical side of my self surveillance that can hold me back if I'm not careful. I'm certainly going to make some mistakes in this work, but I should probably cut myself some slack. My line manager made a good point of noting in our meeting that this was a place where mistakes could be made and that was acceptable and seen as part of a longer working process. I need to remind myself of this when the anxiety and vulnerability begins to set in. A bit of anxiety is okay and normal but it shouldn't take over. Some good lessons are to be learned here.